She’ll Always be 3

Bear with me in this post. This is part of my therapy and I just need to write today.

Our oldest, Jesse, will be a senior this year. There are already a million emotions going on inside of me about this but there is something extra that I’ve been working through lately. A few months ago I realized that I’m not a little kid mom anymore. I was pretty good at that. The simplest things made for a magical day. An ice cream cone by the city fountain on Main Street could provide an hour of entertainment. I guess dealing with nostalgia is part of the process of having your kids grow up. I’m ok with that, sort of.

But the thing that I’ve recently realized is that I’ll always have a 3 year old. I’ll always feel like a little kid mom because Keren never grew up. I can look back at pictures from the other kids when they were little and barely remember them at that age because I’ve watched them mature and grow. I know them now, at their current age. They have different interests, different ways of wanting to pass their time. It’s especially evident on these long summer days when I’m trying to think of ways to spend time with them that they’ll enjoy but it’s hard. A simple walk around the yard, big pushes in a swing, or a tea party in princess dresses won’t suffice anymore. But, for some reason, that’s what I’m holding on to.

This morning I woke up to the news of a dear friend who lost her youngest of 7. He was around Keren’s age. Even though I’ve been through it, the right words don’t come easily. It’s just a prayer of, “Jesus, please!” I know what she’s now facing. I know the journey she has to go on. I know that God will be her and her family’s rescuer and redeemer.

So, today, I’m reminding myself that I have the joy of always having a 3 year old. I also have the joy of watching my other 3 flourish into who God calls them to be. Today I’m calling on the peace that passes understanding.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:7‬ ‭