Fighting Fire with Light

Romans 8: 1-14

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” 8:1

I have been set FREE! I no longer have to worry about what this world thinks of me.  I don’t have to worry about living up to this world’s standards. God has blessed me with the knowledge that He loves me and He is going to take care of me.  No matter what I do or say, I have been forgiven.

Not just anyone can say this.  But I can, because I live in the Spirit and I am governed by Him.  That sounds really haughty and self-righteous. And by this world’s standards, it is.  But by God’s standards I am proclaiming His word. I am showing His love. So I can say it with sureness.  

It has taken me a really long time to get to this place, of speaking with authority about my grace.  I was brought up legalistically and I always thought I had to be good enough to get God to love me. I also knew that I would never be good enough so at times I just quit trying.  But now, I’ve seen the Light! God has shown me that it’s not about how good I can be, it’s about the relationship I seek with Him. It’s about the way I choose to live – not being a good girl, but being a God girl.  So, the fact that I am trying to grow closer to Him brings Him closer to me. HALLELUJAH!

Because I have been given grace by Him, I will give grace to myself.  If I falter. If I worry. If I give into temptation. If I grieve. If I treat others wrongly.  I will ask for forgiveness from Him and I will forgive myself. I will not consider myself a bad person or unworthy of His love.  I am His and He is mine. That is where I will find my identity and where I will live.

Matthew 11:25-30

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” 11:28-30

I love to squeeze the Dawn bottle after issuing out liquid to wash the dishes.  If you catch it just right after you turn the bottle upright and give it a gentle squeeze, these little tiny bubbles will fly out and dance around your head while you stand there scrubbing away.  It is one of those silly little nuances that I take pleasure in. I do it every time I use Dawn. Those bubbles are so light and I watch them float around my head, dancing through the air. And, somehow, it lifts my spirits.  

I have some dark, heavy days.  Days where I feel like I could melt into the sidewalk.  Days where the world’s burdens are hanging so heavy around my neck that I don’t feel like taking one more step.  I might be having a day where one or all of my kids don’t listen to a word I say and I feel worthless. Maybe my students show that absolutely nothing was learned during my well-thought-out lesson.  The house could be an absolute wreck. Joel and I may not be seeing eye to eye on an issue. Money is getting a little too tight. Any of these things can cause a person to get down. But when grief is involved, these pesky problems become huge monsters that snarl and claw and grab for your throat.  

When I’m in those dark days, I keep willing myself to come out of it.  To be nicer to the kids and Joel, to keep getting the tasks completed on my to-do list, to just stay awake.  But when I will myself to do it, it doesn’t work.

Then I remember the verses above.  

I cry out to Jesus to bring me out of the pain.  I ask Him to deliver me from the evil that is trying to separate me from Him.  And, boy, does He ever deliver. Take for instance, report card day. A couple of the kids came in with pretty gruesome grades, one was telling herself how awful she was for not getting straight A’s, and, on top of the fact that earlier that day another kid had started some drama between friends at school and one was making a horrible mess with germ-x in my classroom, I was at my wit’s end.  All of this with the looming knowledge that three of them would be leaving our family soon. It turned into a very dark day. I began to shut down and started loathing myself for being such a failure. I was in a pretty bad state. When I took the kids running I couldn’t even lift my head, much less try to run myself. I took a slower paced walk and realized I needed to do some talking with God.

After about a mile of walking by myself in silence asking God to pull me out of the muck, Leah came running up behind me (yes, she had lapped me).  She slowed down to walk with me and slipped her hand into mine. This is a rare occurrence these days so I cherished the feeling of having my big girl make that connection with me.  She then began to apologize for her wrong-doings that afternoon and for not making all A’s on her report card. I quickly told her that I was not upset with her grades. I was upset at how she treated herself over it.  I told her that Jesus did not want her to feel that way about herself and that Satan was using it to keep her separated from God. Yeah, see the irony in that speech? I did too and I almost stopped in my tracks. She looked at me and I confessed that I was letting Satan do the same thing to me.  That meant I had some seeking to do. I needed to open my heart and let Jesus take my burdens.

As God began His work on me, I kept feeling lighter and lighter.  The heaviness lifted, my smile returned, and when I squeezed the Dawn bottle that night I stood there and let those bubbles dance around my head and thanked God for giving me rest in Him.  

Ephesians 3:14-21

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,” 3:20

The above verse is what is written in my journal but I just have to quote verses 16-19 as well.  

“I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” 3:16-19

“Out of His glorious riches” – not how much God has but simply who He is

“Strengthen you…in your inner being” – He will put Himself inside of us

“Love that surpasses knowledge” – more than we could ever dream of

“Filled to the measure” – all that we are is Him

“Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” – God is bigger than all of it

If all that we are is Him, which is who He created us to be, then we are bigger than all of it.  Every sorrow, every despair, every temptation – we are bigger than it all. Because Christ loved us so much that He let Himself be put on that cross, arms stretching long and wide, connecting us to our Father who is so high above us and filling us down deep in our soul with the richness of Him, with a love that we cannot understand but can feel every day, every hour, every minute, every second. A love that consumes us so that we are completely filled with it and there is no room for anything else.  

God, please, help me to remember the power that You have given me.  Help me to remember that I am bigger than all of it because You dwell in me.  Your love is my strength and I want it to continue to mold me into who You created me to be.  Through Jesus I pray, Amen.

Revelation 22

“They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads.  There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light.  And they will reign for ever and ever.” 22:4-5 – from my brother, Rex

HE is the LIGHT!!!  There will be no more darkness, no more sorrow, no more pain.  

In my Sunday and Wednesday night classes, my 3rd-5th graders have been learning about Heaven.  They have always known it was supposed to be a wonderful place but when we read the last 2 chapters of Revelations together they got so excited they were standing up out of their chairs and shouting about how wondrous it is!  These kids amaze me every time I am with them. They see scripture in such a pure and magnificent way and it opens my eyes to the joy that can be found in it. During this scripture reading they became fixated with the 12 layers of foundation underneath the new Jerusalem.  They wanted to know what each gem was so I had to look each one up on my phone and show them pictures. Each gem was more beautiful than the last. They were yelling, they were so excited. And they couldn’t believe that those gems were what the city was SITTING on. Then we read about the streets of gold, the river of the water of life, the tree of life, the pearly gates, and the angels standing at each one of them.  Their heads were spinning so fast with all this magnificent information that they couldn’t see straight! And then one of the girls exclaimed, “You mean we will get to see this?!” When I replied, “Yes!” they all got quiet. The magnitude of eternal life hit them. There is a GREAT DAY coming! My daughter has already seen it! I believe in it! And one day, I will see it too! I will be in the physical presence of my God, the One who loves me like no other – the One who guides me, molds me, comforts me, wants me.  And there will be no more night.

John 11: 17-44

“Jesus wept.” 11:35 – from my sister-in-law, Amaris

Oh, Martha, Martha, Martha.  Here we see a second interaction with Jesus and the sisters Mary and Martha.  The first time they welcomed Him into their home, Martha busied herself making preparations and getting everything ready, while Mary sat at the feet of Jesus to listen to Him teach.  When Martha was exasperated because Mary wouldn’t help her, she asked Jesus to intervene and get Mary to help (sounding like a child claiming, “It’s not fair!”). Jesus let her know that Mary was the one receiving the blessing and He was not going to take that away from her.  

Now, we see Martha again. This time her brother, Lazarus, has died and been dead for 4 days before Jesus came to see them. She is the first one to see Him and immediately rebukes Him for not being there to save him. Can you believe that?! Martha rebukes Jesus! (That hits really close to home for me.)  Jesus is gentle with her because He knows she is in pain and promises that Lazarus will live again. “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in Me will love, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” She proclaims, “Yes,” but she immediately leaves Him to go get Mary.  

Mary! The one who knows what a gift Jesus is.  The one who jumps up and runs to Him when she finds out He has come.  She proclaims the same thing as Martha, “If you had been here, he wouldn’t have died,” but instead of Jesus needing to teach her, He cries with her.  She knew, with all her heart, that Jesus has the power to save. He saw into her heart and could see that she truly grieved and truly believed.  Jesus found out then and there what grief is.

It didn’t happen with Martha, she was still trying to fix things, trying to run the show, trying to take matters into her own hands and do what she thought needed to be done.  It happened with Mary, who knew the only answer was Him, who trusted Him completely, and knew she could weep at His feet and He would make everything ok.

I think when any woman reads this, she wants to be like Mary.  Yet, we turn into Martha in our everyday lives. But Jesus wept with Mary, not Martha.  The one who KNEW who He is and would learn from Him instead of trying to tell Him what to do.  When I get so caught up in my everyday and forget to rest in His arms, I don’t feel comforted. I don’t feel His presence surrounding me.  It is when I get still and cry out to Him and wait for Him to teach me that I feel comforted. I am trying to grow closer and closer to that being of stillness and listening daily.  There are so many distractions but none of those distractions are more important than spending time with Him.

Dear God,

Help me to remember to come to You first.  To listen when You are trying to reach out to me and to let things go that are getting in the way of my relationship with You.  I want to be like Mary. Please, God, help me to depend on You completely.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen

Hebrews 4:14-5:10

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have One who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet He did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” 4:15-16

Several years ago a wonderful man named Jay Smith spent time leading a Bible class at the church we attended in Tennessee to teach us about Jewish culture and traditions.  This class changed the way I see the Bible. I learned so much about what so many things in the Bible mean. I have a hard time putting it into words because there is so much to say.  I still constantly reference what I learned in that class to help me understand the Bible better. This passage is one of those times.

Jesus is often referred to as the Great High Priest.  I’ve always thought that meant a great leader and teacher.  But in these verses it feels like the author of Hebrews knew people in the future would need to know what this meant during the time of Jesus.  In summary, a high priest never appointed himself to the position but was called by God. He was chosen to be a mediator between God and the people.  He would offer sacrifices for the people but also for himself, as he was not seen as someone who was perfect but as someone who had just as many weaknesses as the next guy.  

So how does Jesus fit the bill?  It explains that Jesus was in constant prayer and petition while He was here on earth.  He was tempted in every possible way but did not sin. And because of His reverent submission to God, his prayers were heard and He was made perfect in His death and became our Savior.  This is why He was designated as great High Priest. He is our sacrifice. The perfect One laid down His life for us.

Jesus knows what it is like to have the world press down around Him.  Jesus understands that sometimes our flesh wants more than what we can physically find here on earth.  He knows deep, deep grief and great, great joy. He knows what I am going through. He knows how hard life is and, yet, He sacrificed Himself so that I could have hope in a dark and dreary world.  I can look up at the sky on a beautiful, cloudless, sunny day and feel close to Him. I can feel Him comfort me and reassure me that I will see Keren again. I can believe that one day, there will be no more pain, no more despair, no more sorrow – only unimaginable joy and peace in the arms of my Savior.  

Several years ago, when I first heard the song below, I was obsessed with the show Dancing with the Stars.  I have since given this show up as I don’t feel like it honors what God created dancing to be. But while watching the show I learned about many different styles of dancing, one of my favorites being the Viennese Waltz.  It is all about twirling and lifting and stretching, almost in a floating/flying way. This song sounds to me like a beautiful song to dance the Viennese Waltz to. I started daydreaming about what it would be like to dance to this song.  Then, God placed the most amazing dream in my heart. I want to dance with Jesus to this song. It is one of the first things I want to do when I get to heaven. I don’t know if that’s really how things work, but isn’t it absolutely wonderful to think about?!  Now, I can picture sweeping Keren into the dance and all three of us laughing and twirling and loving each other. It will be a glorious day when the time comes and it is one of those things that keeps me hoping and believing and surviving and enduring. Oh, how He loves us!

Jude

“To Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy,” v.24

The book of Jude.  25 verses, not even a page and a half in my Bible.  Yet, it speaks to me today, right now. It is a warning, a huge red flashing neon sign that declares, “BEWARE!”  Satan is constantly trying to bring us away from God. There are many examples in this book – the Israelites who turned against God time and again (v.5), angels that did not keep their positions (v.6), and Sodom and Gomorrah (v.7). He brings up people that pollute their own bodies (drugs? alcohol? cigarettes?), those that reject authority (the generation we are raising now?), and those that heap abuse on celestial beings (many forms of media?) (v.8).  Jude talks about how these people slip in among us and eat at our feasts; but because they honor themselves as the lord of their lives and not God as Lord, they will be condemned.

But again, like so many chapters/books I have read, there is defeat warned about but a HOPE that sustains us.  In verses 20-21 Jude encourages us to keep building our faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keeping ourselves in God’s love as we wait for eternal life. And in verses 22-23 he challenges us to be merciful to those who doubt and rescue those destined for the fire. Because, Christ will keep us from stumbling and present us before God  without fault and with great joy! (v.24)

1 Corinthians 1:4-9

“He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.  God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” 1:8-9

I am amazed at the greetings Paul always begins with.  He knows exactly what each different audience needs and how to meet those needs.  A prime example of God working through His people.

In verse 7 as he is greeting the Corinthians, he tells them that they will not be without spiritual gifts as they are waiting for Jesus to come back.  The other night in my 4-6 grade class at church, we were discussing the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-28). Jesus taught about spiritual gifts and how we are to use them to further His Kingdom and bring us closer to Him.  I am trying to teach them that God has created each of them for a purpose. Not a worldly purpose (one was proud that she could touch her tongue to her nose as her talent – which is great, but…) but how God made each of us special in a way that helps us stay close to Him and teach others about Him.  I was amazed when we got to a deeper level and the kids started talking about the gifts God had given them. One spoke of bravery while another spoke of good listening skills and yet another believed he had been given the gift of art and writing. Then came an even more awe inspiring moment when a few were too shy to share so others spoke up and pointed out gifts that they saw in them.  Wow! God is working in mighty ways in that class. But as we went even further and started discussing why we have those talents, you could almost see light exploding from their heads. It finally made sense to them that they can use the way God made them to bring others to Him.

This is one way that we can see how God has called us into fellowship with Him as is stated in verse 9.  He created us to be with Him, to have a relationship with Him. And when we find that fellowship with Him, He will hold us firm to the end and we will remain blameless.  

Psalm 16

“I will praise the Lord, Who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord.  With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” 16:7-8 – from Aunt Juli

On Sunday, February 4, Joel and I bowed before God at church services and dedicated ourselves to seek Him first in all we do, to trust in Him, and know that He will guide us.  Since then, we have been putting that into practice. In every decision that needs to be made, every trouble that arises, every joy that is found, we have tried to put God’s name first in our hearts.  The miracles that have happened have been amazing. For example, the Wednesday morning after that Sunday I woke up with a splitting headache. I immediately went to the medicine cabinet and popped a couple of ibuprofen.  This was on instinct and I didn’t really think anything about it until about 20 minutes later when I began to cramp in my abdomen. It started out small but the pain rapidly grew and within 15 more minutes I was doubled over in so much pain that I didn’t think I could walk from my bathroom to my bed, much less go to school and teach.  I remembered what Joel and I had committed to and I immediately starting asking God to heal me. I tried to think through the pain and I had some relief but my mind couldn’t stay focused, so I called Joel in from the kitchen, where he was making breakfast for everyone, and had him lay his hands on me and ask for healing. I really began to feel relief then.  Once he knew I was feeling better, he went back to cooking and I continued to get ready even though there was still some pain. As I was making my bed, I kept saying, “God help me with my unbelief.” I said it over and over again and within 2 more minutes my pain was absolutely GONE! Not even a trace of pain was there. The relief was so sudden and so miraculous that I had a hard time processing it.  I just kept taking long wonderful breaths and moving and twisting my body to make sure that it really was gone. I was in awe that entire day and could not stop thinking about it. My God healed me – instantaneously and miraculously!

This past week I have had a different kind of pain.  Grief, severe grief, has resurfaced.  We are facing our family becoming smaller once again.  It is coming close to the time for the Shackelford children, who we have had custody of since October, to begin the transition of moving back with their mother.  While God has told me that I need to let them go, the pain of loss is settling back in my heart.  And in those moments of agony and despair, I cry out to God and He replenishes me.  While those moments feel broken and splintered, I know that I will be put back together because my God has proven to me that He will keep me strong, He will sustain me.  And so…

The words in the scripture above ring true. I WILL praise Him. I WILL keep my eyes always on the Lord. And, I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN!!!

Psalm 36

“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” 36:7 – from my cousin, Meredith

Several years ago when I was teaching 2nd grade in Tennessee, the big excitement was the “Eagle Cam.” A camera had been set up to watch an eagle’s nest 24/7 and you could tune in any time to check on the eggs and see if they had hatched.  Then once they had hatched you could watch the mother and father taking care of the babies. In my classroom, we checked in on the birds several times a day. We oohed and aahed when we saw the babies for the first time and got grossed out when the mama bird brought back a dead mouse for them to eat.  I just remember how amazing it was to watch those little birds way high up in their nest and all they had to depend on was their mother and father. They would nestle under their wings and know that they were protected and loved.

This verse makes me think of those sweet baby eagles.  It brings me so much comfort to envision myself under God’s mighty wings and know that I am protected and loved, that I can fully depend on Him for all that I need.  I can nestle under His grace and mercy with confidence that He won’t let anything separate me from His love.