Author: kellmhodell

June 6, 2017

I took the kids running this morning for the first time in a month. I tried to run too but ran by the city pool and broke down thinking about how Keren would be begging to go swimming and having a fit because I’d say no. As I slowed down to a walk the tears started streaming down my face and in the cool morning air I started asking God to give me a message. I had my music playing on shuffle and I almost turned it off but the song I Am (Crowder) came on. “I Am holding on to you, I Am holding to you. In the middle of the storm I Am holding on, I Am.” I could feel Him comforting me. Then Love Broke Thru (TobyMac) came on. “You found me in the darkness, wandering through the desert.” Next came Hands of Love (Crowder). “Jesus, the one who saves us, The One who holds us all up. Jesus, the one who frees us, the one who holds us all in His hands of love.” I cried out, “Please do, God!” Then Backseat Driver (TobyMac). “I don’t want to be no backseat driver. I don’t want to navigate, just take it over. I don’t want to ever doubt You, I’m lost without You, Lord.” One of my (and Keren’s) favorites Run Devil Run (Crowder) was next. “I got my Jesus and the devil gotta run!” I shouted out for him to leave us. Then came Prove It (Crowder) and I burst out laughing with excitement! “If you’re free prove it, if you’re not loose the chains on your soul. Come FREEDOM!” Lift You Head Weary Sinner (Crowder) played. “Fix your eyes on the mountain, let the past be dead and gone…If you’re lost and wandering, come stumbling in like a prodigal child.” Finally Move (TobyMac) was the song that I ended with. “I know you’re feeling like you’ve got nothing left but lift your head it ain’t over yet. So get up and MOVE, keep walking. Soldier keep moving on.” Music speaks to me in a divine way and God knew that and gave me the message I needed. I Am is holding on to me even when I’m walking through the desert. Because Jesus holds me in His hands of love, I’m going to let Him navigate my life. The devil is going to have to run because I’m free and I’m going to prove it. My eyes are fixed on the mountain and I’m going to lift my head and keep moving. I LOVE MY GOD!!!

June 5, 2017

Phoebe mentions Keren a lot. She loves to talk about what they did together but she is always smiling about it. So today I asked her if she ever gets sad because Keren isn’t here anymore. She said, “Yeah, but I don’t cry about it.” When I asked why she said, “Because all my memories are good ones!” This girl has much to teach the world!

My mother Delores Odell

My father Delmer Odell

My little girl Keren Rose Odell

June 4, 2017

I’ve been in the angry stage this week. Why do I have to suffer if I’m serving God faithfully? This has been on my mind since Wednesday and I haven’t been able to shake it. I brought it to Joel yesterday and he contemplated it and said this morning that God doesn’t want us to suffer, he has plans to give us hope and a future. The suffering is because of the fallen world. He is right but I still didn’t want to accept that. So I began asking God about it. He finally revealed to me that I’m suffering because Satan sees my commitment to God and is doing everything in his power to stop me. If I was doing what Satan wanted I wouldn’t have to suffer because I’m already doing what he wants, denying my Father. Now my question is, “Do I want to be on Satan’s side or God’s?” That’s an easy answer. Thank you, God, for loving me enough to get me through this.

June 11, 2017

Video of Joel’s and My Testimonies – Click here

May 27, 2017

I have been falling apart the past 2 days. The absence of Keren is hitting me right in the middle of the day and it brings me to the fetal position. Today my amazing husband came in to comfort me. He listened to the Holy Spirit and then asked me this question, “How do you want your book of life to be written? It can go one of two ways. You let this destroy you and you have darkness and despair written across your pages or you let light and joy be written there. Do you want to be a victim or a victor?” I actually posted those last words on here a few months ago and when he said it today it struck me like lightning. I’m going to be in pain and feel the loss but I’m not going to let it destroy me. God is my rock and He has been so good to me that I can’t do anything else but live my life for Him. I will be a VICTOR!!!

May 26, 2017

Phoebe had another good day today. We took her over to her Peachie and Pop Pop’s house for the first time since the accident. We were nervous about her reaction but again God just proved how awesome He is. She just oohed and aahed at all the beautiful flowers growing and the new garden house Peachie was having built that got finished today and the vegetables growing in the garden and the great job Jesse and Joel have been doing with the barns. Then we took her to the burial site on top of the hill. Her responses were that Keren was fun to play with and her spot was really small. Then she focused on all the dandelions and clover (her favorite flowers) that were growing in the field and the pretty purple sky. God, protect her from the memory of this tragedy and help her to continue to be a shining light for You in this world.

May 25, 2017

Yesterday was difficult. Phoebe was tired and sick most of the day (we think we overdid it on Tuesday) which caused fear and anxiety to creep back in. It was a quiet day and in that quietness I also stayed focused on what we have lost. God got us through the day, though. Last night Phoebe slept much better and has woken up with a smile on her face and pleasant sighing from her lips. I also had the chance to snuggle with Jesse and Leah for a little while and we talked and giggled together. They said they have their times of sorrow but they are finding joy in each day as well. God is so good. Thank you for all of the prayers and texts. I didn’t respond to many texts yesterday because I didn’t feel like communicating but they are all such an encouragement just knowing that you are specifically thinking and praying about us.

Last night was really rough. Phoebe doesn’t claim to have any memory of the accident, but I’m pretty sure their is some deep seeded emotional distress. She was in a constant state of night terrors all night, and then she vomited this morning seemingly unaware of any of it. Kelly and I are both exhausted. We will call the doctors today, but we know where power lies please pray for our little superstar.
Pray the name of Jesus over PTSD. Pray for healing over her brain and her whole body.

May 23, 2017

We keep talking about what a miracle Phoebe is. God spared her because He knew we couldn’t lose both and to use her to spread His love in this world. While she is an amazing miracle, she’s not the only miracle we’ve got.

Jesse is an inspiration. He is so strong and has such an amazing heart. He is stepping up to help Joel take care of the farms. He keeps giving me hugs and telling me that we are going to be ok. He will bring God’s word to many through his precious heart and work ethic.