Matthew 11:25-30
“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” 11:28-30
I love to squeeze the Dawn bottle after issuing out liquid to wash the dishes. If you catch it just right after you turn the bottle upright and give it a gentle squeeze, these little tiny bubbles will fly out and dance around your head while you stand there scrubbing away. It is one of those silly little nuances that I take pleasure in. I do it every time I use Dawn. Those bubbles are so light and I watch them float around my head, dancing through the air. And, somehow, it lifts my spirits.
I have some dark, heavy days. Days where I feel like I could melt into the sidewalk. Days where the world’s burdens are hanging so heavy around my neck that I don’t feel like taking one more step. I might be having a day where one or all of my kids don’t listen to a word I say and I feel worthless. Maybe my students show that absolutely nothing was learned during my well-thought-out lesson. The house could be an absolute wreck. Joel and I may not be seeing eye to eye on an issue. Money is getting a little too tight. Any of these things can cause a person to get down. But when grief is involved, these pesky problems become huge monsters that snarl and claw and grab for your throat.
When I’m in those dark days, I keep willing myself to come out of it. To be nicer to the kids and Joel, to keep getting the tasks completed on my to-do list, to just stay awake. But when I will myself to do it, it doesn’t work.
Then I remember the verses above.
I cry out to Jesus to bring me out of the pain. I ask Him to deliver me from the evil that is trying to separate me from Him. And, boy, does He ever deliver. Take for instance, report card day. A couple of the kids came in with pretty gruesome grades, one was telling herself how awful she was for not getting straight A’s, and, on top of the fact that earlier that day another kid had started some drama between friends at school and one was making a horrible mess with germ-x in my classroom, I was at my wit’s end. All of this with the looming knowledge that three of them would be leaving our family soon. It turned into a very dark day. I began to shut down and started loathing myself for being such a failure. I was in a pretty bad state. When I took the kids running I couldn’t even lift my head, much less try to run myself. I took a slower paced walk and realized I needed to do some talking with God.
After about a mile of walking by myself in silence asking God to pull me out of the muck, Leah came running up behind me (yes, she had lapped me). She slowed down to walk with me and slipped her hand into mine. This is a rare occurrence these days so I cherished the feeling of having my big girl make that connection with me. She then began to apologize for her wrong-doings that afternoon and for not making all A’s on her report card. I quickly told her that I was not upset with her grades. I was upset at how she treated herself over it. I told her that Jesus did not want her to feel that way about herself and that Satan was using it to keep her separated from God. Yeah, see the irony in that speech? I did too and I almost stopped in my tracks. She looked at me and I confessed that I was letting Satan do the same thing to me. That meant I had some seeking to do. I needed to open my heart and let Jesus take my burdens.
As God began His work on me, I kept feeling lighter and lighter. The heaviness lifted, my smile returned, and when I squeezed the Dawn bottle that night I stood there and let those bubbles dance around my head and thanked God for giving me rest in Him.
Fighting Fire with Light 