I Just Didn’t See It Coming

Psalm 139:1-16

“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”  139:13-16 – from Mom and Aunt Juli

Sometimes, in a quiet place, maybe while I am washing dishes or getting ready in the mornings, the enormity of the accident hits me.  And I think, “How in the world did this happen to me?”  I’ve admitted that I’m a worrier and always see the bad that could happen, but this I just didn’t see coming.  I look back at my life as a child and a teenager.  Those that knew me would tell of a young girl who was always giddy with laughter and twirling around everywhere she went.  Yes, my teenage years got a little moody, but mostly I looked for, no I yearned for, the fun in life.  I wanted to be on the go and having a good time.  College years were similar, though real life started to creep in a little bit.  Then real life did hit and I was still a fun-loving, dancing kind-of girl but responsibilities started to make me straighten up and get more serious.  Then children came and they became my life.  I still tried to have fun but exhaustion can take a serious toll on a girl.  When I look back it seems like I was in a state of oblivion.  I had no idea what was coming my way.  

But God did.

Many times I have expressed how I feel broken.  I am not the person I used to be.  I can still have fun and laugh and dance but there is something that just isn’t the same.  It can turn in a heartbeat.  One minute I am having a blast and the next minute I am depressed and ready to curl up in the fetal position in my bed.  I just did not see this coming.  

But God did.

He knew the life I needed to live to prepare me for this moment.  He had plans for me.  Plans that I wasn’t fulfilling before but He knew I would.  He placed triumphs and struggles, friends and enemies, life and death in my life at the exact moments that I needed them so that when the time came I would be ready.  

Ready for what?

Right now, I feel like He is calling me to find intimacy with Him and to share what I am experiencing and how I am growing.  That may and probably will morph into something more in the future.  But, for now, this is what I believe His plan is for me.  He had it made long before I was made.  I have no idea what is coming in the future.  I don’t know how my life will change or how I will react.  

But God does.

And because I know He does, then I know I can depend on Him to guide me and mold me.  To trust that I will continue to grow and bloom in His word.  Always being assured that He knows me and has great plans for me.