June 30, 2017
There is something about me that a few people know about – my Tennessee book club friends, high school/college friends that watched movies with me – I do not, no, I cannot handle sad stories. I’ve never been able to deal with sorrow. I mourned for 3 days after watching Titanic, I fell apart in my bedroom the day after watching Untamed Heart, my dad and I both sat and cried during Fox and the Hound. I even get angry when I don’t know something tragic is coming – I was livid when I walked out of City of Angels and had to ask for forgiveness from my book club after going off about Light on Snow. Some people can find beauty and encouragement in these stories, I could not.
But, here I am, in my very own tragedy. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, how Satan knew right where to hit me. In the hospital, I was so focused on Phoebe that I didn’t really have time to process it. When we came home, the noticed absence of all 3 was so prevalent that I almost got on medication to deal with it. But I didn’t and if you go back and read my posts from that time you can see that God was what got me through it. Now, it feels different. It’s hard to explain. The concert gave me something to look forward to. But that’s over now. The kids had camp to look forward to. But that’s over now. And school is creeping closer and real life is starting to set in. There are moments where I think I’m going to be ok and then I completely fall apart, like this morning. Everyone keeps telling me that it’s ok to grieve, that it’s ok to not be ok. But, you see, for me it’s not. If I’m not ok I sink into despair, my mind goes numb, I lose my patience, and I forget about God. I’m sure this is normal for many people going through grief and I’ve been told it will get better with time. I know it will because I’ve already seen a difference from the beginning to now. God has not abandoned me and I know he won’t. But if I did not have that to hold on to, I would be in living death right now.
Since this has happened I’ve seen so many others going through such tragedy. Public figures that I trust and use as spiritual guidance are going through divorce and having very sick children. People close to me are dealing with panic, anxiety, and fear. And I have to force myself to remember that we are not alone. Not only is our God guiding us and comforting us through it all, but He also gave us each other.
Love each other, support each other, have grace for each other, and remind each other Who is getting us through this life so that we can be with Him forever!
I love you all and thank you for loving on us!
Fighting Fire with Light 
This is so inspiring ♥ you made my day. Thank you and God bless you
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