May 15, 2017

Tonight I am cold. Cold from a day of terror, anxiety, and weeping. I hear you all telling us how strong we are and that has brought me so much comfort. You also rejoiced with us when Phoebe had a successful surgery which lifted me up. But I have been so far down today that I still feel like I’m sinking. Every other thought today has been of Keren and how much I’m going to miss her. It is so selfish of me. She is happy and because I’m not I want her to leave her gift and come be with me. I need to be honest with you all because I don’t want you to think that I’ve got this. I’m so weak. I need my God, who sends His Holy Spirit to wrap His arms around me, to get me through this. I need my amazing husband, who lets me break down and say things I can only say to him because he knows my grief and has words of wisdom through it all, to get me through this. I need Jesse, Leah, and Phoebe, who remind me that I am a beloved mother, to get me through this. I need the love being shown by all of you to get me through this.